It didn’t take long for the internet to learn that Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who was against issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, had been married four times herself.

This kind of doxing is usually reserved for “real” celebrities (or someone who says something you don’t like on social media.)

I’m coining the term “Fogled” right now. It means when you become relatively famous for some minor thing, and then the world finds out all your secrets.Fogle

Honestly, no one would care if someone was a hypocrite who was married 4 times and had children from adultery…except that they are tied into the newsworthy rights for gay marriage. And Jared Fogle would have been just some guy having sex with children. You wouldn’t have known anything about this case…except that he was in commercials for Subway (Like when the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” kid was busted for pot). In fact, the only reason his crimes were discovered was because a Subway franchise owner came to the police about texts he sent her. If he had never become a spokesman, he would still be free to commit more crimes.

It’s similar to the schadenfreude you feel when something karmic happens to Kanye West or Miley Cyrus. (Schadenfreude is when you derive pleasure from another’s misfortune. It is not to be confused with schaden-Freud, in which you derive pleasure from someone else’s awkward relationship with their parents.)

Short Lives cover 1

Please check out my book: 30 short stories for a dollar!

2 Billy Crystal Movies Accidentally Released At Same Time

Two films that star Billy Crystal are now currently in theaters. The film industry meant to do this with Brad Pitt but made a mistake.

Image  —  Posted: December 29, 2012 in Uncategorized
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The holidays are all about being with your family. Sometimes, this includes your alternate reality counterparts.

The Mann family of Amherst, Texas received unexpected guests for the holidays: their alter-Earth versions from a timeline where the planet was destroyed during a Mayan apocalypse.

“It was really interesting to see how the other half lived…when the other half is us,” said Howard Mann.

This world’s Howard Mann is a software tester. His alter-Earth counterpart is a quantum engineer who designed the escape pod he used to jettison his family into this dimension.

“It’s interesting to hear his version of things…but if I have to hear him refer to it as the “Fall of Mann” one more time, I’m finding some way to send him back,” Howard said.

The Manns called newspaper and television crews to document the first ever inter-dimensional holiday gathering.

When Howard’s father came for Christmas dinner, Alter-Howard grabbed him and held him tight, sobbing “I should have built the pod bigger! I should have built the pod bigger!”

“Our house looks nice,” Alter-Debbie Mann said. “I mean, your house looks nice…that’s just the way we had decorated the house…before the lava wave came by…”

“I don’t mean to sound rude,” our-Earth Debbie said, “but I thought you said there was another ice age?”

“Yes, an ice age and a lava flood at the same time.”

The Mann family of Earth Prime, which is what they’ve started to refer to our world as, had to buy extra presents at the last minute for their extended family.

“I wanted a 3DS,” 11-year-old Chase Mann whined.

“We went over this, Chase,” his father Howard replied. “You already have a DS. You don’t need a 3DS.”

Chase’s Alter-Dad held him tightly and said “At least you still have Chase. I’d have given him anything. We lost our Chase when the meteors split the earth, and the dinosaurs came out.”

“Aren’t dinosaurs extinct on Alter-Earth?” Chase asked.

“Yes,” his Alter-Dad said. “These were zombie dinosaurs.”

 

 

In other news:

Mayan 2012 Doomsday Prediction Is Wrong:

I made a mix CD for my daughter for Christmas of songs she likes. As I sit here listening, I decided to try a writing experiment. Here’s a conversation I invented using lines from each of 10 songs, in the order they appear on the album. I imagine it’s one person trying to cheer up another. The answers are in the tags.

Charlie Brown: “Break the doors down.

Don’t go wasting your emotion.

Didn’t I see you crying?”

Zach Galifianakis: “It’s been a really messed up week.

I need to get my story straight.

Gonna be a big man someday.

There’s no time for losers.”

Charlie: “You’re a good man.

I heard about you before.

Just take a chance and believe in you.”

<Zach doesn’t say anything.>

Charlie: “Your silence is deafening.

You treat me like a stranger.

I’m your only friend. I’m not your only friend.

Maybe you don’t know me because you’re dead wrong.”

<Finally, Zach breaks his silence.>

Zach: “Mama-say mama-sah ma-ma-coo-sah”

Charlie: “Here’s my number, so call me…”

You know those things people post on Facebook that are just a phrase on a colored background? Well, someone posted a saying that there is something that a woman can shut down – the Republican party.

In response, I created this. It shows something else women have a lot of control over.

It’s in handy bumper sticker form if you click on it.

 

For Todd Akin.

I’m happy for Joss Whedon, after hearing the announcement he’ll write and direct Avengers 2. I like to see a geek inherit the Earth.

But I worry about the franchise in general. Whedon has a tendency to make his villains too comfortable around the heroes. Considering he worked with vampires so long, I’m surprised how quickly he removes his villains’ teeth and makes them just ordinary guys and gals. Perhaps he just likes villains better, like Dr. Horrible. But I’m afraid that, in Avengers 2, Loki will be joining the heroes for a shawarma dinner.

Which one is better?

In the beginning… Later on…
Spike from Buffy Dangerous. You never knew what side he was on. Just kind of hung around because he had nothing else to do.
Danger from X-Men Living embodiment of the Danger Room. Coolest and most deadly new villain in the mutant titles. Just kind of hung around and poked fun of the heroes because she had nothing else to do.

Also:

“The Avengers” fixed the problems of the Marvel prequels

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/06/the-avengers-fixed-the-problems-of-the-marvel-prequels/

Editing mistake in Dark Knight Rises:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/07/29/a-mistake-in-dark-knight-rises/

 

The refrain I keep hearing from viewers is that they were surprised The Dark Knight Rises wasn’t super great.

This is different from the disappointment fans had when Spider-Man 3 just didn’t work for them. This was more about having unrealistic expectations.

The Dark Knight was arguably the best comic book movie ever made. If any movie was expected to best this, it would have been Dark Knight Rises. It’s not that part 3 was bad. No one seems to be saying that. They’re just saying it’s not terrific.

Maybe there needed to be more Batman in a Batman movie.

Maybe it was more of what a friend said that it was big on a comic book scale rather than a real life scale. In the last movie, it was about people and the decisions they make. There wasn’t a Macguffin threatening to blow up the city.

But really, I think it comes down to audience expectation and the inability of the creators to ever live up to that.

 

An editing mistake in Dark Knight Rises:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/07/29/a-mistake-in-dark-knight-rises/

 

Why it doesn’t matter if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are mutants:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/why-it-doesnt-matter-if-the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-are-mutants/

 

Being an editor, I wind up noticing the silliest mistakes.

It wasn’t continuity. Or a plot hole. Or “Batman wouldn’t do that…”

It was spelling.

When Bruce Wayne is researching Selina Kyle on the Batcave computer, he has a bunch of newspapers up on the screen. One of them has “heist” spelled “hiest.”

Mr. Nolan, you’re a great writer, but not a great speller.

 

 

You Can’t Compare Batman 3 to Batman 2:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/you-cant-compare-batman-3-to-batman-2/

How to make a Wonder Woman movie:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/wonder-woman-movie-ideas/

And now for something completely different: A video game spoof of Twilight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncjwZ2CJoTQ

Back when Sam Raimi was helming the Spider-man franchise, events were building up for the next villain: The Lizard.

Spider-Man

Spider-Man 4 needed a visual villain. He’d already had villains who could soar through the air and turn to sand. So the next villain needed to be good for action movies: awesome looking, fast, and like nothing we’d seen before. Instead of flipping through the air, the Lizard keeps the fight somewhat terrestrial – scaling skyscrapers and leaping car to car on a crowded road.

What if the serum Curt Connors uses is successful – at first. So successful, in fact, that he shares his creation with the world. Amputees from all over the world come, and he “cures” them all. Until, later, when the curse seeps in and Connors – and all of his patients – turn into lizards.

I thought that the Lizard by himself would not be a good enough villain after Spidey’s already fought goblins and Venom. But a legion of lizards, some of which with special powers, that gets interesting.

And, of course, Peter and MJ move closer in their relationship, Aunt May needs her medicine, and Spidey has to use his brains for a change.

You can read the script treatment here:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2010/01/09/spider-man-4/

Comic book version

Is there a doctor in the house?

 

The full treatment here:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2012/07/26/spider-man-4-dream-script-2/

Some notes on it:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/spider-man-4-notes-and-spider-man-5/

Some ideas on Spider-Man 5:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=719&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2

A review of AmazingSpider-Man 600:

https://whatilearnedbywriting.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/amazing-spider-man-600/

SPIDER-MAN 5

Villain for Spider-Man 5

Trident optional.

Peter has taken on a job teaching high school science at a really troubled school. No one will teach there. They’re too afraid. That’s how he was able to get a job without a teaching degree. As luck would have it, the gym teacher there is none other than Flash Thompson. Their rivalry begins anew.

All the hype and buzz about Spider-Man 5 should revolve around the new villain, Hobgoblin, and how he is connected to the Osborn legacy. There should also be a note on IMDB or something where he teams up with Shocker. But when you’re watching the movie, there’s this intricate plot involving people you don’t know. Later, when Spidey tracks the Hobgoblin down, he is in league with Shocker, Stunner, Vulture, Hydro-Man, and the Jackal. During the fight with the new Sinister Six, Spidey starts to realize that his spider-sense isn’t going off. In fact, nothing seems to be really happening in the fight.

It’s then that Spidey realizes all these people are illusions. He leaves and tries to find what’s really happening. This was all to distract him from Mysterio’s (“Miss Cheerio?”) ultimate plan, which involved all the subplot stuff in the beginning that seemed unnecessary at the time.