How to survive 2012

Posted: March 2, 2010 in All, Comedy, YouTube
Tags: , ,

I watched 2012, the disaster movie, opening weekend. The premise is not just that the world ends, but that the governments of the world have put together and built “arks” to let survivors weather the coming storm. About 400,000 politicians, rich people, and genetically superior people make it to safety.

As the lights came up in the theater, I looked around. None of us would have made it on the boats.

The family of four who weighed collectively over a thousand pounds certainly would eat too many resources. The people next to me leaving popcorn and candy wrappers on the floor. The parents who brought the four-month-old.

Nope. No boat for them. They’d be left dodging computer-animated debris.

And what about me? An out-of-work writer who spends entirely too much time on YouTube. Sorry. My spot would be taken up by the Secretary of the Interior. Or maybe his dog.

But I could be wrong.

If the goal was to continue humanity, then wouldn’t the average person be allowed to live? The really average person. Who do you think represents the world better? A classically trained cellist or someone who can name every contestant from every season of “I Love New York?”

Let this be a warning to you all: If the world ends, make sure you’re as dumb as possible and you’ll be a survivor.

By the way, here’s a video about how the 2012 Mayan prophecy is wrong. I made it while spending too much time on YouTube.

  1. The precise date is Sunday, December 21st 2012. Do I think it will happen? Not really. But I feel some major shifts may occur around the world. I have heard of the Mayan calendar ending, and also magnetic field / polar reversals which may result in the failure of our protective atmosphere. Not only are there hundreds of prophesies, and predictions that the world will go underwater, but havent there also been hundreds many times before? On July 31st, 2006, a reverse polarity sunspot occured as well… predicting a new solar cycle of immense proportions in 2012 as well. Also, there’s suspicion that a planet named Nibiru ill enter our orbit, and pass between earth and mars, also wreaking havoc. Although changes are likely to happen, an apocalypse is questionable. Let’s just wait and see haha.

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